「最後は独り」

"A blow job is not a good blow job if the woman makes it seem like a job, it should seem like..."

Sun, 06 May 2012 03:13:27 -0400

““A blow job is not a good blow job if the woman makes it seem like a job, it should seem like something she wants to do, somewhere she wants to be. Most people don’t want to be at their job but everyone wants a career. I want to give blow careers.””

- (via iamtheobject)

change your url! c:

Sat, 05 May 2012 02:00:31 -0400

I’d rather not.

gonna do it | random

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 04:45:26 -0400

…I’m finally going to sit down and start watching Game of Thrones, courtesy of HBOGo. It’s 4:44 a.m., but I’m going to watch at least one episode before I go to bed.

Let’s see how it goes.

I’m back.

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 23:40:02 -0400

I’m back.

Self-Portrait: August 16th/17th, 2011. When I was younger, my...

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 02:55:00 -0400

Self-Portrait: August 16th/17th, 2011.

When I was younger, my pediatrician had this exercise I was expected to perform with every check-up visit. After I’d been asked to remove my clothes and put on the paper dress, the doctor would give me a piece of paper and a pencil and ask me to draw myself. A pretty simple task, in theory - and once she explained that the image could be as exact or as fanciful as I wanted, it was fun too.

My so-called self-portraits always included myself (in various arrangements of awkwardly obvious anime-influenced expressions or poses), which was fitting since I was totally incapable of drawing anything remotely close to a real-looking face. I’m fixated on eyes, yes - and mouths and throats - but the rest of the face and associated areas always escapes me.

Still, in every picture there was an intricate (or at least attentively detailed) background and a load of ornate decorations, little complicated patterns and more miniscule details - all of these things were part of what I thought made my pictures pretty and perfect. My self-portrait’s clothing was always a mix of stylish and completely unreal, mostly just the work of whatever I considered cool looking; I wore make-up, wore my hair in ridiculously impossible fashions - sported piercings and tattoos. Whatever appealed. The doctor said it was how I saw myself, not how I actually was.

Even back then I wasn’t innocent enough to think the doctor was just interested in my artistic skill (or lack thereof); I recognized a psychological exercise when I saw one. Still, it was fun and I took a little pride in drawing a new picture every time. She kept them all in my file, so I’m sure they’re still floating around out there, though I never did get another peek at most of them. I’d really love to though. I think it’d be cool.

But that brings me to this.

Today, for no particular reason, I was doodling in photoshop and decided that I was going to attempt to draw myself. And I did, I suppose - if an exaggeratedly idealized version of me. Or rather, I guess this is the way I see myself… and sometimes wish others could see it too.

But what does it say about me… that I lack a face, still? I did that once or twice, too, with my doctor’s portrait assignment. She told me being ‘faceless’ wasn’t something to worry about. She said expressions weren’t necessarily contained to someone’s face, that people often took too much at face value.

She told me a lack of a face meant I was willing to look beyond the surface.

I don’t know how much I believe that, but…
I couldn’t draw a face this time. That’s all I know.
I think her words are comforting.

What am I getting at with this?
Honestly, I have no idea.

My apologies for spamming tumblr with this philosophical/nostalgic nonsense. xD

“Try Honesty” - Billy Talent.

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 20:35:40 -0400

“Try Honesty” - Billy Talent.

too loud | life

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 20:34:15 -0400

My stepbrother thinks my music was turned up too loud, when he could hear it blasting through my headphones from the other side of the house.

Lol, it probably was. But~ fuck it. I love this song. (^o^)/

Flowers, from my beloved.

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 13:48:14 -0400

Flowers, from my beloved.

randomly | life

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 04:11:54 -0400

Woke up from not-nice thoughts and had an insta-cry.

I love BBM.

For keeping her and I just that much closer.

(Now if only we could convince Jules?)

pico | life

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 00:49:13 -0400

I can’t even lie. I’m not usually one for any sort of social media games, but…

Pico may be my addiction. (^o^)/

nap | life

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 15:06:57 -0400

I’d really love to just curl back up and go to sleep again for a few hours. There’s a hurricane brewing out there and it’s raining now — perfect napping weather.

Ahh, but I can’t. With my lucky, the stepmonsters would come home early today and catch me snoozing. I’m not in the mood to be yelled at again.

wonder | family

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 19:38:17 -0400

Some days, I wonder what’s wrong with this family and our tempers.

Others, I don’t even bother.

damnation | family

Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:23:00 -0400

One of those, damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t moments. Tuesdays have been (since the beginning and throughout the duration of my assignment) the day on which the pool is brushed.

And so, to avoid an inevitable bitching session, I did just that and brushed it today - without being told, without being threatened.

Only to be bitched at anyway, because I was somehow supposed to know that the pool had already been brushed at some point in time and I should have, according to my stepmother, vacuumed it instead. (Bearing in mind that the rightful day for vacuuming is Thursday.) I, apparently, am supposed to be all-knowing and all that.

This was explained to me, of course, through a mini-rant of cursing and exasperated huffing. Not any time in the past few days, or even this morning. Just now. And in her exasperation, my stepmother has officially forbidden me to touch the pool. She says she’ll take care of it.

Who’s taking bets that it turns green in the next two weeks?

“Personal Jesus” - Marilyn Manson

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 21:06:35 -0400

“Personal Jesus” - Marilyn Manson

This kid. I love him. He’s the only brother I truly have...

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 01:07:00 -0400

This kid.
I love him.

He’s the only brother I truly have anything in common with. We only share our Daddy’s blood as siblings (and our mothers are mortal enemies) but I honestly feel like we were meant to be twins. It just didn’t work out that way.

Still, half-siblings isn’t too bad.
And we still raise hell, together.

I adore him.

Taken with instagram

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 17:27:10 -0400

Taken with instagram

honest truth | family

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 17:15:17 -0400

I get along splendidly with my oldest stepbrother, when his mother and younger brother aren’t around. I genuinely like him, as a person.

But as for the rest of the whining, bitching, abusive idiots living in this household? More often then not, I’d like to strangle them.

"They are all dickfaces. 99.99% of them bitches have dicks for noses, I guarantee."

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 13:46:06 -0400

“They are all dickfaces. 99.99% of them bitches have dicks for noses, I guarantee.”

- Stepbrother.

Taken with instagram

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 20:58:36 -0400

Taken with instagram

accessorizing | life

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 20:54:49 -0400

I’m going out to my friend’s engagement dinner tonight — and was a bit hung up on accesories. Silver or gold, mhm~…

But I’m a silver kinda girl and despite humorous but heated debate over the choice, I’m sticking to silver…

Sorry, Jules~

In the words of my favorite drummer, “WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.”

(^o^)/